skipperooonie thousandposter "Thunder Downunder" member is offline
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,239 Location: Australia
Waist not, want not! « Thread Started on Nov 5, 2008, 9:50pm »
Revised 07/11/08..........
With intense consideration, I searched for taste sensation, rare fruits with unique flavour, my palate for to savour.
In my quest for something tasty, I tried not to be too hasty, then I chanced upon, with glee, the local country bakery.
There were bagels, loaves and bread rolls, fat cream buns and iced coffee scrolls; fresh fruit flans and chocolate chip cake, it's way more than even I can take.
To the lady that was serving, I said "it's certainly unnerving" because you see, I'm on a diet, but she really didn't buy it.
I was thinking of my heart, was about to buy a tart; when from the corner of my eye, I saw a lemon meringue pie.
A sad ending to this story, there I was in all my glory and my utter fall from grace, with blobs of pie upon my face.
Many thanks Poss for the help with the critique
*************************************************** With intense consideration, I searched for taste sensation; rare fruits with unique flavour, my palette for to savour
In my quest for something tasty, I tried not to be too hasty; then I chanced upon, with glee, the local country bakery
there were bagels and bread rolls, cream buns and coffee scrolls; fruit flans and chocolate cake, it's way more than I can take
to the lady that was serving, I said "it really is unnerving" because you see, I'm on a diet, but she really didn't buy it
I was thinking of my heart, and was about to buy a tart; when from the corner of my eye, I saw a lemon meringue pie
the sad ending to this story, and I feel it's rather gory; was my utter fall from grace, and all that pie upon my face
Growing OLD is mandatory, but growing up is OPTIONAL
Rainbowthreads Administrator Chief Critter member is offline
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Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 7,718
Re: Waist not, want not! « Reply #3 on Nov 6, 2008, 7:55am »
With intense consideration, I searched for taste sensation; (comma would do here perfectly well) rare fruits with unique flavour, my palette for to savour (palate)
In my quest for something tasty, I tried not to be too hasty; (again, comma) then I chanced upon, with glee, the local country bakery
there were bagels and bread rolls, (cap There) cream buns and coffee scrolls; fruit flans and chocolate cake, it's way more than I can take
(not sure about change in metre in 2nd verse, Skip, because the list isn't really long enough for it, so I have a suggestion but it's just one; I am sure you could find many other ways to keep metre)
There were bagels, loaves and bread rolls fat cream buns and coffee iced scrolls; fresh fruit flans and chocolate chip cake, it's way more than I could intake
to the lady that was serving, I said "it really is unnerving" because you see, I'm on a diet, but she really didn't buy it (2 really's in one verse...anything else you could replace one of them with?)
I was thinking of my heart, and was about to buy a tart; when from the corner of my eye, I saw a lemon meringue pie (mentioned this to u....drop and for 2nd line and it'll read smoother)
the sad ending to this story, and I feel it's rather gory; (blood is gore...) was my utter fall from grace, and all that pie upon my face
As each verse is like a sentence, I would tend to cap first words and finish with full-stops.
Joined: Mar 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,306 Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Waist not, want not! « Reply #7 on Nov 14, 2008, 2:01pm »
Hahahaha! Skip, that's just what I need, a good giggle, I really enjoyed. Glad to know you still have your lovely sense of humour.
Some of the places I stay away from these days are bakeries. FAR too tempting, and it will undo all the good work of the last 10 months. From the beginning of the year we've changed the way we eat to healthy foods and without having to diet, I've lost 24 kg (approximately 52 pounds) and Graeme has lost about 8kg (about 18 pounds). Isn't that wonderful!
skipperooonie thousandposter "Thunder Downunder" member is offline
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,239 Location: Australia
Re: Waist not, want not! « Reply #8 on Nov 14, 2008, 7:33pm »
Hugglies M, lovely to see you and ty for having a read. That is wonderful about the weight loss and I know exactly where you are coming from. I myself have lost 27 kilograms and am now on day three of not smoking again. I think after a little heart scare again and an overnight stay in hospital last week, that will become a permanent situation. G'day to Bwana Mcshed and although he is not as much the man you met ( haha) I am sure that you love him more. See, sometimes, Less is More.
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Gday Aurora, nice to see you in again and another good riposte you have cooked up and served.
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