Waterfall Dreams « Thread Started on Nov 21, 2005, 11:23am »
I look out at this cold, November sky and ruminate on dreams as yet unborn, asleep within the cradle of my eye, their golden fleeces gallantly unshorn.
Shall I then, steeped with age, consign to fate these former future glories? Or shall I time’s fierce and piercing appetite abate, and bring them now to life before they die?
I hear the mighty Falls not far ahead, and in its dizzy solitude of sound feel dreams arise from whence they once had fled, bright heralds breathing hope the Gorge around. *
I muse; and glimpse within the mounting mist, rekindled passions I cannot resist.
*the Niagara Gorge – a kind of canyon carved by the Falls at it travels upstream from Lake Ontario toward Lake Erie.
Joined: Jul 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 22 Location: Borderland
Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #2 on Nov 21, 2005, 4:18pm »
A beautiful beautiful sonnet, highly original and hugely emotive. Surely everyone can relate to the bravery needed to begin the path to achieving dreams, the use of the waterfall is perfect and brilliantly done, it's great torrent mirroring that of time and also it's stability and the slow way it eats away at the rock - a scale of time so different to that we apply to our every day lives.
I particularly loved the second stanza, notably
time's fierce and piercing appetite
Definitely a work of high high calibre, I greatly admire your talent!
bombadil1247 thousandposter The Metre Man member is offline
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Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #3 on Nov 22, 2005, 10:50am »
Hi, Rich,
nice to see another great post from you, and a sonnet no less. I've never seen the falls, other than on the superman films that is, but can well imagine their appeal to the muse. I really like the idea of
Quote:
dreams as yet unborn
being reflected in the flow, but do have problems with 'ruminate' - that conjures up images of cows for me and would much prefer 'meditate' in this line. Just a thought, though, it's your poem, poet and I did enjoy the read, thank you for posting, Jim
And silence contagious in moments like these, consumed me and strengthened my will to appease. The passion that sparked me one terrible night, shocked and persuaded my soul to ignite. ~Tom Marshall
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Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #5 on Nov 22, 2005, 3:43pm »
Jim, are you not thinking of masticating cows? It's odd but while I really loved ruminating ( I do it a lot myself LOL) I just cannot like the use of abate here but then for me stanza two is so awkwardly written (probably me but it seems full of backward phrasing and double-negatives even if it isn't) that I cannot really get my mind around the sense of it.
I see so many comments of "perfect" that I am almost reluctant to speak my mind on that....but I guess even if one reader gets befuddled by something, it might need looking at again.
Another thing is this: I really detest the use of footnotes by an author. Isn't it usually the publisher or editior or a book that uses them? And in this particular case, was it important to know which falls and gorge? Most falls pound so fiercely over the years that they induce erosion...no?
Kick me to the kerb if I am out of order Rich. They are small points and easily tear-uppable
Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #6 on Nov 22, 2005, 5:51pm »
Hi Rich! I really enjoyed this write...but have to agree with RT's comment in that the second v. bothered me as well.... In the second line of the first vs. I wondered if it could not be yet unborn? rather than "as yet unborn"?
I hear the mighty Falls not far ahead, and in its dizzy solitude of sound ( here I wondered if it would not flow a little better with a semi-colon after sound)? feel dreams arise from whence they once had fled, (by the way absolutely loved both of these lines)
bright heralds breathing hope the Gorge around. (howeve, once again this line bothered me as well) sorry...maybe I just don't get it...but what else would be new?
« Last Edit: Nov 22, 2005, 5:53pm by peaceseaker »
Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #7 on Nov 22, 2005, 8:44pm »
Allura,
No, we'll both persevere. Thanks!
1929,
I really like the way you describe the river's relation to time. Excellent. Thank you!
Bombadil,
I like your name. I'm a Tolkien fan, so it warms my heart to see it. Thanks for your comments. The funny thing is that when I wrote the first quatrain, I chose to use "ruminate" because of the "sheep" image, and had a laugh at my poem's own expense. As I'm in no way trying to sell this poem or anything, I still enjoy the little joke, which your keen eye has picked out.
One never can assume a date will chew the cud or ruminate.
Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #8 on Nov 22, 2005, 9:01pm »
gina,
What a lovely compliment. Thank you, dear poet.
Rainbowthreads,
I personally don't see anything wrong with "abate" here, other than it is a word some people are not as familiar with, perhaps, in our day and age. But then this poem is a bit of a throwback to a former age; thus, the language barrier for those who don't read a lot of Sixteenth century verse. I don't see the confusion in the second quatrain. I think it's all pretty straightforward stuff, except for "Or shall I/time's fierce and piercing appetitite abate. By "abate" I mean "put an end to" or "to make void."
I only see one reference to "perfect", but it regards not the poem, but the use of the waterfall to mirror my own feelings. You must be referring to the overall positive nature of the comments. Please, never feel as if you should hold back a criticism. It's all good to me, and instructive.
Here's a little "return" criticism for you. You wrote, "I really detest the use of footnotes by an author." Do you not think the use of the word "detest" is a tad out of place? I am an author who just used a footnote. Do you detest a poem because it has a footnote, or the author who would deign to use one? Your tone here and in the lines following are very negative, IMO, and seem out of place. I put in the footnote (which is a rare occurrence for me) because not everyone is familiar with Niagara and the capitalized "Gorge" could easily confuse a reader. I am in no way trying to insult the reader's intelligence. I just think that particular line is the weakest in the poem and needed some extra explanation. That's all. I'm sorry you detest footnotes. I wonder, though, what you might have thought had I 'not' given the footnote. You might have asked, "What Gorge is he talking about? And why did he capitalize it?" That was my fear - and I still think it is okay. I don't particularly like footnotes myself, but sometimes it is necessary.
You said I could kick you to the curb - see, it's your fault! No, really, thanks for your honesty. I can only return such kindness with my own.
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Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #9 on Nov 22, 2005, 9:19pm »
absolutely. I deserved it. I meant I detest the use of footnotes...of course not the poet..I love poets. I also do not detest any particular footnote; I just detest the fact that they are necessary at all...my fault, not yours, I am sure.
I think you will find I am well accustomed to using slightly archaic language myself. I just mention that because of what you said, not in order to argue. It is your poem and you had every right to defend it. I applaud you for doing so.
I apologise for the negative tone. It was unforgiveable.
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Re: Waterfall Dreams « Reply #15 on Feb 25, 2009, 4:13am »
I was firstly drawn to the title (anything with water in it gets a thumbs up from me). Then I was drawn into the water itself or maybe, the water trickled into me.The line that does it for me, is actually the second one 'and ruminate on dreams as yet unborn' I love the word 'ruminate' and I think in future I am going to use instead of meditate. It kind of rolls round my tongue more and dances fairy like through my head. Lovely write, you.
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I've never seen the falls, other than on the superman films that is, but can well imagine their appeal to the muse. I really like the idea of 
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