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Dec 23, 2009, 10:59pm

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Born Poets :: Poetry :: Fauxcajun's poems :: Four Pieces

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Topic: Four Pieces (Read 52 times)

fauxcajun
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Four Pieces
« Thread Started on Oct 26, 2008, 5:45pm »

Carnival is here
Crowds jam the street with laughter
He plays solitaire

Sits by the window
In a smoky, crowded bar
Life passes him by

High above the street
A lonely window shines bright
Love is sold tonight

Crumpled note on floor
Tells the story of love gone
Time now for dying

February 18, 1980, New Orleans

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alan
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Posts: 431
Location: East Grinstead

Re: Four Pieces
« Reply #1 on Oct 26, 2008, 5:55pm »

Dear FJ,

Nice to have you come to join us, and thanks for these 4 excellent haiku.

Sad fellow, and the pieces are rather like a procession of seasons.

Love
Alan

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Rainbowthreads
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Chief Critter
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approaching sell by date

Joined: Jul 2004
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Posts: 7,718

Re: Four Pieces
« Reply #2 on Oct 27, 2008, 7:06am »

I've read other poems written in this form and it's quite effective. I don't think it would work for every one of them as senryus but the last two would.

I enjoyed it...it's sad and evocative of the man's solitude and moving end.

well done Faux

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skipperooonie
thousandposter

"Thunder Downunder"
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Re: Four Pieces
« Reply #3 on Oct 28, 2008, 7:58am »

Gday Faux, I agree with Dawn on the effectiveness of setting these four like this. The first is my fav but all are good and combine to tell the story. Many thanks for sharing... Skip

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culbers2
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Re: Four Pieces
« Reply #4 on Oct 30, 2008, 8:08am »

Hello Faux. Based on your name and the location/date given at the end, may I assume this was written from personal experience? Or at least by seeing it in the lives of others? I enjoy haikus very much. It amazes me to see so much meaning packed into so few words. Your first haiku is my favorite. You do a great job in contrasting the merriment of the crowds (and I've seen celebrations in New Orleans myself) and the solidarity and isolation of the man.

Thanks for sharing this.

Eric

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To thine own self be true

devinmcmahon
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Re: Four Pieces
« Reply #5 on Nov 5, 2008, 6:47pm »

Like the others, I see the first one as the strongest, but enjoyed the poem overall. I don't really need to know the back story, but it does cause me to wonder (which is a good thing). Good one!

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mistral
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Re: Four Pieces
« Reply #6 on Nov 14, 2008, 2:05pm »

Hi Faux,

I really like the way you but these haikus together to tell a whole story, although each one on it's own has it's own story.

Hope you enjoy your stay here!

Hugs,
M

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